Maybe you think you know how to carve a pumpkin and think this tutorial is ridiculous. Seriously, who doesn’t know how to carve a pumpkin?
You may very well know the standard steps to carving a pumpkin, but I’ve got the real deal for you today, friends. Here’s a step by step picture tutorial like one you’ve never seen before.
The first and most important step is to set your expectations super high. Picture in your mind your children fully engrossed in the entire process from pumpkin picking to the final reveal. You guys are going to have the time of your lives building memories together as a family. I bet this will go so well that your kids will talk about these special family moments for years to come. Go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back. You’re rockin’ this parent thing.
Now make sure you have chosen the biggest pumpkins you can possibly find. Trust me, it will be super fun getting the biggest baddest boy you can find. Make sure you get AT LEAST one for every member of your family, even your baby or toddler. They’ll love it! Just remember, LOTS of ginormous pumpkins! Go big or go home!
This is also important. Do not, I repeat DO NOT buy a pumpkin carving kit. You don’t need no stinkin’ fancy shmancy pumpkin carving tools to get the job done. We’re frugal folk around here and make do with what we have. A printer for a pattern? Check! Scoring tools? Check! Knives? Check! Oh yeah, we’ve got this!
DO NOT prepare ahead of time and make sure you have ink in the printer and are able to actually print out your patterns. The printer worked last week, so I’m sure it will work today.
Now gather the children around the kitchen table and get them all hyped up about carving pumpkins! “Are you ready for some fun?!” “YAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!” you’ll hear them exclaim. You’re excited. They’re excited. Shoot, the dog’s even wagging his tail. We’re having a jolly old time and we haven’t even started.
Now remember that you have no patterns printed, nothing covering the table, and nothing to put the pumpkin insides in. Quickly gather your materials only to find that your children are now disinterested.
Corral them back around the table and get down to business.
Cut a hole around the stem and open the pumpkin. Stare with amazement at the slimy stringy seedy goop that lies inside the pumpkin.
Know that your two year old is going to have the time of his life since you have actually given him permission to get dirty and scoop out pumpkin guts. This is every little messy boy’s dream!
Watch your children with delight as they stick their hands in the goo for the first time. Make sure you snap a pic of this Kodak moment. These are memories being made here, friends. You must capture every moment of this bliss.
Carefully separate the stringiness from the seeds, because you know we’re definitely going to roast them. Again, duh. We’re so frugal and we don’t waste anything around here.
Strangely look at your toddler as you notice their expression go from a chipper smile to an apprehensive frown. What’s going on here? Start digging, boy!
Assure him he’s having fun even though he is going through the stages quickly escalating to a meltdown. YOU ARE HAVING FUN, TODDLER!!!!!! YOU ARE HAVING FUN!!!!
Pray for forgiveness at the thoughts of your son as you stare at the abandoned pumpkin on the table as said son goes into the playroom and begins covering the play kitchen in water. Where he gets the water is a mystery.
Ignore him at this point because at least he’s quiet. Besides, at this point you have bigger problems.
The ink has to be refilled in the printer, and now your computer also won’t connect to the printer, which means you have no patterns! Your husband has now retreated to silent mode as he spends thirty minutes fixing this mess. Yeah, you can tell he’s having a blast!
Forget to take off your rings until you are well covered in goop.
Then finally do take them off, only to forget about them for two hours so they become nice and crusty.
Scoop for approximately 1 hour. Look inside your ginormous pumpkin that you picked and wonder how in the world there are still seeds inside the pumpkin. I mean, are they breeding in there or what? Question your choice of size and quantity of pumpkins.
Watch your child as she is so proud of herself that she scraped out all of the insides all by herself.
Just kidding. Dad has to do most of it again…and the toddler’s…and the wife’s…and his own. See, I told you to absolutely get the biggest pumpkins you can find. It’s a blast scooping pumpkin guts for an hour!
Score your pumpkin and template with toothpicks. Break ten of them in the process before you get smart and start using a nut pick.
Once you get it all scored, remove the template and start cutting. Saw the snot out of your pumpkin with the sharpest thickest knife you have thinking it will do an awesome job, only to find it stinks. Try another knife, and another and another until you have every single knife you own dirty and right within your children’s reach. Smart!
Saw saw saw until you FINALLY carve one measly little eye. VICTORY!
Meanwhile, your son has now gotten bored and destroyed the living room under no adult supervision.
He’s spending good quality family time mindlessly watching television alone in the living room.
Keep struggling with your inadequate pumpkin carving tools until your husband calls upon his inner Tim the Toolman Taylor, pulls out the super charged spiral saw, and gets that bad boy done!
At this point, you may need protective eye wear as the pumpkin bits fly across your kitchen.
As you observe his perfectly cut lines compared to your jagged little cuts that look like you chewed them with your teeth, you start to realize that your husband is on to something here with his power tools.
Now you and your daughter abandon your pumpkins half finished for your husband to finish with his spiral saw. Vow to yourself to NEVER do this again.
Determined that your son WILL participate in this good old fashioned family fun time, you desperately grab some Mr. Potato Head facial pieces. You can’t decide if this is a genius idea or one that you saw on Pinterest. You’re fairly certain it’s Pinterest.
Try having your toddler poke the pieces in the pumpkin by himself. He fails and you realize you need to poke holes. Poke holes and make sure you don’t poke them very big. You wouldn’t want those Mr. Potato Head pieces to fit or anything.
Finally take your toddler’s hand, and with all your strength help him shove the Mr. Potato head pieces into the super small holes.
SUCCESS! It took a whole 2 minutes, but your son successfully decorated a cute little Mr. Potato Head pumpkin!
Set them up in a row on the the fireplace and admire your handiwork. Aww…how cute are they! Now start the process of denial and tell yourself how much fun you had and that you can’t wait to do this again next year.
Speaking of next year, you should totally get BIGGER pumpkins and more intricate patterns.
Now this is an important step as well…
Post the last photo on Facebook with the following caption: We carved pumpkins today and had so much fun! Aren’t they adorable? #familytime #lovemyfamily #makingmemories #fallfavorites #HomemadeHalloween #cantwaittodoitagainnextyear
Now gather your children and tell them to pose and smile with their pumpkins. Who cares that they’re still in their pajamas at noon and the toddler has no pants on?
Ahhh…perfect. Now that’s a framer! 😀
This post is part of our 31 Days of Homemade Halloween Series with my fellow blogging friends. To see more fun homemade ideas, check out our Pinterest Board.